


I Said I'd Never Let You Go, and I Never Did

by caastiiel



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternative Spin on Season 9, Car Accident, Destiel - Freeform, Emotional Dean, Hospital, Hurt Castiel, M/M, Slight fluff, this may crush your soul
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-08-21
Updated: 2014-08-21
Packaged: 2018-02-14 02:24:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,198
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2174478
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/caastiiel/pseuds/caastiiel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean Winchester hadn't meant for Castiel to end up in the emergency room after telling him to leave, the first time.</p><p>He didn't want to leave to leave Castiel's side, for the second time.</p><p>And Dean wasn't prepared to lose him, for the last time.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Said I'd Never Let You Go, and I Never Did

**Author's Note:**

> There are mentions of violence (pre-story) in this. Also a heads up for major character death in later chapters, and an ending that might leave you wrecked. 
> 
> (I have created this fic for reasons unknown to humanity. All current mistakes are my fault.)
> 
> Ever so vaguely based off the song 'Have Faith In Me' by A Day to Remember.

“Cas!” If it weren’t for the doctor’s requests to keep any guests or visitors out, Dean would have been through those curtains and have had his eyes upon Castiel’s almost lifeless body. Except, of course, Castiel had been rushed to the emergency room and they people who worked at the hospital simply didn’t have  _time_ or  _space_ to deal with any visitors.

After all, it was merely a matter of life and death.

Dean was pretty resistant when they had told him that he couldn’t see his friend. “Y-you don’t understand!” the hunter exclaimed as he held out in front of him to gesture with his words. “That man in there, is my friend. He called me right before I heard sirens and he sounded pretty bad, man, you’ve got to let me see him.”

“I’m sorry, sir. You can see him later when we have his support systems under control.” Dean just nodded and covered his mouth with his hand and used his fingers to gently rub at his upper lip..

“Right, sure. I’ll just  _wait here_.” He sighed and threw up his arms as he realized he probably wouldn’t get to see him if he didn’t shut up. Everything had just happened to fast, and it had taken the little self-control in Dean to not go in there and run to Castiel’s side. He just really, really needed to know if his friend was doing alright.

And when he got his chance, Dean didn’t wait a single second to reach the small room which Castiel was in. Cas looked bad. Like, he could have passed as someone dead if it wasn’t for the signals on the heart rate monitor bad. There were bandages on him everywhere, covering his arms and neck and legs. One huge bandage wrapped around one side of Castiel’s torso, and his left leg was in some sort of cast. His left arm was covered with needles.

The second Dean’s eyes met Castiel’s, they were both filled with a feeling far too delicate and emotional to be able to describe in words. It was like the look two lovers got after not being able to see each other for a long time and finally they were right there in the moment, and they wanted nothing more than to be with each other and be forever able to express their love– I’m getting a bit ahead of myself. But the look had definitely much more meaning in it that I’m letting on (I’m trying to let on a lot).

"You came." Castiel's voice was quiet and he had barely managed to choke out the words. The hunter knelt beside the hospital bed so he was eye-level with Castiel. He took Castiel's limp fingers in his hand and lightly squeezed it.

"I'm...I'm so sorry, Cas." At this response, his blue eyes widened. He titled his head to the side (as if that were even possible) on the pillow of the bed as he gazed into Dean's eyes.

"What? Dean, you realize that this isn't your fault." Castiel stated as he winced while straightening himself. Right, the bandage on his side.

"Yes. Yes it is." The tone at which he said this was completely different. It was deeper that his usual voice, more rough, and you could practically hear the voices in Dean’s head yelling at him. Blaming himself for the current state of his one best friend.

“You weren’t the one driving the car that hit me. I don’t understand why you would think -” Castiel started, but slightly jumped back when Dean’s fist collided with the table next to him.

“You don’t understand.” The elder Winchester snapped as he started to get up. His voice gradually got louder. “I’m the one who told you to leave. If it weren’t for me doing that –  _freaking throwing you out, Cas,_ you wouldn’t been on that street. It’s my fault ….I just I’m sorry.”

By the time Dean had finished, he was facing the door, Castiel on the bed behind him. Then there was more drawn-out silence, until the man in the hospital bed decided to break the silence.

“Dean.”

His voice was soft.

“ _Dean.”_

Finally, the hunter gave in and slowly turned his head around, a look of commiseration clearly painted across his face. Castiel had managed to adjust the bed he was on to incline upwards, so he was laying at a 70 degree angle. He patted the small amount of space beside him. Dean crossed over and sat down, taking Castiel’s weak hand into his. They could have stayed like that forever, gazing into each other’s eyes with their hands on each other’s.

“You don’t have to be sorry.” Before Dean had half a chance to protest, Castiel’s index finger had met his lips and silenced him. “It isn’t your fault.”

“But-”

“Don’t try and rationalize it, Dean.” The former angel sighed and fixed himself on the bed so he was at a more comfortable position that wasn’t straining the injury on his torso.

“Then what the  _hell_ am I supposed to do?” Dean argued, the tone at which he spoke was anything but loud or offensive. If he wasn’t so quiet he would have missed the next part.

“Accept the fact that I’ve accepted the apology.” And the next thing he knew Castiel was sitting upright, through the pain, and had leaned forward towards Dean until Dean could feel Castiel’s breath on his lips. And then Dean found himself leaning in as well. However, the kiss was ephemeral, and in a moment both of them were flushing red again with their faces apart with the same distance.

“I understand that you would have good reasons for kicking me out. And I’m alright, Dean…I really am.” Nevertheless, you have to acknowledge why I’m unable to come back with you to the bunker.” Castiel grimaced as he absently tapped his fingers on the table to his sides.

“And why would that be?”

“Your intentions must have been good…but, it’s Sam….isn’t it?”

“Yeah.” Dean nodded, looking at his hands. That wasn’t  _entirely_ a lie, Castiel probably assumed that Dean was watching out for his younger brother, but didn’t realize that it ‘ _being Sam_ ,’ had a whole different meaning behind it. “But Cas, we need you back.”

“Go, take care of your brother. I’ll be alright.” Castiel whispered. They both knew the second part was a lie. Neither of them said anything about it.

“Leave you like this? Not happening.” Dean remarked as he ran his fingers through his hair. Except, there was part of him that knew it might end up happening. At least until Sam got better. Castiel looked down and traced the veins on the back of Dean’ hand.

“I’ll come and get you as soon as Sam…and... Next time, Cas, I promise.” Then came the long-awaited buzz of Dean’s phone. It was Sam, and Dean had to head back to the bunker.

“I’d appreciate that.” Castiel smiled as he closed his eyes and fixed his bed back to his original position. Dean was too far gone to hear his next words.

“ _There just might not be a next time.”_


End file.
